I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
