Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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