oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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