Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
