Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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