so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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