I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize