I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
