white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
