My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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