dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
