My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
