I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
