I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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