My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
