Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
