smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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