Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
