I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
