She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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