Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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