I'm lost and stupid without you.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
