Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
