Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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