so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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