I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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