D3 body, D1 cock
3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize