That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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