Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
