I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
The air taste purple.
Randomize