i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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