Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
