If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
