..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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