I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
