I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You are the jesus of drinking
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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