Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
