Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
