Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
