i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
