My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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