she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I stole a fireplace last night.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
The adults are the big ones right?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
