every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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