Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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