She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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