My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
