are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
