arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I think pants incapable of making pants work
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