he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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