i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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