I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
