I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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