Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
