I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
