Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
