If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
