you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
