Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
