I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
where are you?
Hypothermia
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
