Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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