either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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