honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
