Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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