There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
