haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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