sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
