I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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