Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
