this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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