I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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