Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
