All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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